A home VBAC

June 28th, 8 am: Well, today is the day. 42 weeks, exactly. Nothing. Not even a twinge of a contraction. I may be irritable, but my uterus is definitely not. Last Friday I was at mass at 41 ½ weeks and I told God that I would be willing to go 42 weeks, but he better not let me reach 43 weeks. Well isn't this just a lovely time for God to teach me a lesson about patience and trust? (Note to self: do not give God any more ultimatums.) OK, well let's press on with life. I'll ask my husband if we can take the boys and go enjoy a nice day at the lake and I'll try to pretend I'm not pregnant (ha, as if!). If I wish too hard for labor, it will never happen, I'll end up pregnant for years.

June 28th, 4 pm: Crud, it's hot out here! I feel like throwing up and we've only been here for 15 minutes. The boys are having such a nice time in the water. I'd like to stay but I just can't take it any more. We need to get home, now.

June 28th, 4:30 PM: My husband is talking to me about some future plans of his and I don't like the sounds of what I'm hearing. Plans? He wants to learn a new skill? Oh great, he's going to go enjoy himself and I'm going to be home all day and all night with three kids. My thought pattern becomes more and more irrational until I've decided that my husband's once weekly class is going to ruin our marriage. How could he do this to me when I'm so pregnant? Irrationality then spins out of control until I'm a complete lunatic, crying about the end of life as I know it. I have one brief moment of lucidity and remember my midwife commenting that becoming emotional is a possible sign of impending labor. Hmmm. Must get back to my tantrum, now.

June 28th, 9:00 PM: My dear husband is so sweet, I completely expected him to check me into an insane asylum the moment we got back in to town. Instead, he is giving me a much needed backrub. Ahhhh, heaven. Still nothing in the way of contractions, though. Tomorrow morning when I wake up I will be 42 weeks and 1 day. 42 weeks pregnant isn't pretty. Ugh. My karma must be really bad to have the universe inflicting such punishment on me. I have decided that I will consider herbs, more acupuncture or even the dreaded castor oil induction. I've resisted the overwhelming urge to rush nature up until now, but I refuse to be pregnant any longer!

June 29th, 4:00 am: I wake up with the worst sinus headache known to mankind. I really want to take some Sudafed, but I've been struggling to keep my blood pressure down so Sudafed is out of the question. I am fumbling around in the dark looking for my Netti Pot so that I can flush out my sinuses. What was that? Was that a contraction? This is my third baby and I don't know what a natural contraction feels like. I know what a hell on earth induced Pitocin contraction feels like, but I don't know the feeling of my own, natural laboring body, so at this point I'm not sure. I didn't even feel a natural contraction with my second baby because a cesearean section was performed before I was in labor. Ten minutes later, another one. OK, this is good. Ten minutes later another one. I am crying with happiness and relief. My body does work. I can do this. I will do this. Contractions feel great. I am so excited. I will wait for a few more because I want to be sure that this is it. I wake up my husband and tell him that I think I'm in labor. He is dead tired, but I ask him to rub my temples so that I can try to get rid of this headache. I really don't want to be in labor with a headache! My husband rubs my head and my back and I'm sure I'm finally in labor. I start to feel some relief from my headache, so we go back to bed.

June 29th, 8:00 am: I wake up, afraid that the contractions might be gone. I will lay here for a few minutes… sure enough, another one. My husband calls into his office and lets them know that I am finally having my baby so he won't be there. I know that today is my new baby's birthday. I also know that my Hypbirth program advised me to ignore early labor and just let my body do its job. I decide that we will take the boys to the park this morning and I will do a lot of walking to make sure that labor keeps chugging along well.

June 29th, 10:30 am: We are at the park. My husband and I are walking laps, slow laps, around the perimeter of the park while the boys play on the playground equipment. Another hot day. I'm not sure I really want to be here at the park, but having the boys play at the park the morning of my labor was part of my "perfect birth scenario" visualization I came up with during my labor preparation program. 95 degrees and humid is not quite the perfect, temperate, sunny 77 degree day I had imagined. We are going to spend some time at the park come hell or high water because I will make this birth happen the way I imagined it! I will gently labor during the day. My contractions will pick up after dinner and I will give birth sometime between 9 and 10 PM That's the way I visualized it and that's the way it will happen. As my husband and I stroll around the park, my contractions are becoming somewhat irratic. Some are 10 or 11 minutes apart, but some come right on top of each other 2 or 3 minutes apart. OK, I've fulfilled this part of the visualization. The boys have played at the park. Let's get out of here! I tell my husband that I will continue my walking at the mall where it is air conditioned and ask him to take me to the grocery store before we head off to the mall.

June 29th, 11:15 am: I go into the grocery store while my husband and the boys wait in the car. Its kind of fun strolling around the grocery store, having contractions. I feel like I've got a really fun secret. I pick out a few things and suddenly decide that my secret isn't that fun anymore. The contractions pick up intensity and I have to stop and try to unobtrusively lean over my cart while I wait for my contractions to pass. This happens 3 or 4 times before I can get out of the store.

June 29th, 11:35 am: As I climb back into the passenger seat of our van, I let my husband know that unless I'm planning on having the baby at the mall, it would be best if we skipped that part of the plan. We return home and unload the groceries.

June 29th, noon: I piddle around the house, stopping to relax on the couch each time a contraction comes along. They are still about 9 or 10 minutes apart, but the intensity is picking up. I had called my midwife around 9 this morning to let her know that I was in labor. I begin to wonder when I should call her to come over. I don't want to call her too early, but she has a distance to travel, so I don't want to wait too long.

June 29th, 1:00 PM: My oldest son is timing my contractions for me. He feels important as he jots down on his running log the time each contraction starts. I start to regret that I've planed to send my two sons away to grandma's house for the birth because he's enjoying being a part of the event. I decide to double check with him and ask him if he wants to stay. He is planning on playing with his cousin at grandma's house and that takes precedence for an eight year old boy so he tells me he would like to stick to our original plan. I am secretly relieved because I don't really want the distraction of a two year old asking to nurse as I am pushing his baby brother out. My toddler has spent the night with grandparents before but I think it has always gone smoothly because his big brother is with him. Yes, the boys will be better off with grandma. I'm glad that I won't have to worry about being distracted by a needy two year old.

June 29th, 2:00 PM: Contractions are 5 minutes apart. It is time to call in the calvary! I call my midwife, my doula and another friend to come on over. Let's get this party started! The contractions have intensified and I have to use the "finger drop" technique I learned in my birth hypnosis program to manage each contraction. A finger drop is a signal I use to "turn on" my hypnosis. The finger drop allows me to go into a state of deep relaxation during a contraction. My body goes limp and my mind "goes away" to visualizations I created over the last eight weeks of practice. As the contraction passes, I "turn on the light" and come back to full awareness. I wasn't entirely certain how effective the finger drops would be as I was practicing them, but I am very happy with their effectiveness. I still have sensations, but I don't perceive them as pain. My body works with the contraction and "gives in" to the contraction rather than tensing up in reaction to pain as the body tends to do unless you've trained it otherwise.

June 29th, 4:00 PM: Things are rockin', labor is definitely in full swing. Still five minutes apart, but fairly intense. My friend, Franci arrives first. My husband is very relieved. Starting about an hour ago, he was beginning to feel stressed and anxious because he was all alone with his laboring wife and the two kids. He is relieved and leaves to bring our boys over to grandma's. My doula and then my midwife arrive. I ask my midwife if she wants to check my dilation and she tells me that is my decision. I am curious to know so I ask her to check. I am 5 centimeters. I am happy with that progress.

June 29th, 5:00 PM: I am laboring in my bed. The bed has been prepared for the birth. My midwife silently observes me. She will ask me questions from time to time and check heart tones periodically, but she is very unobtrusive as she allows my labor to take it's course.

June 29th, 5:30 PM: What an amazing and powerful feeling I have as I feel my body working to bring forth this new life. I am inspired by the support of the women who are helping me through this labor. Between my midwife, my doula, my friend and myself I count that this is the eighteenth baby to be brought into the world, the ninth to be born at home.

June 29th, 6:00 PM: The contractions are definitely intense, but well managed with the finger drop technique and perfect counterpressure applied by my doula. My husband and my friend take turns massaging my arms, my feet, my hands or wherever it feels best to me. Hey, I feel like a queen. So this is what royalty feels like. I don't think I've ever had this much attention showered on me in my life.

June 29th 6:15 PM: Fun. That is absolutely the adjective I would use to describe this labor. In between contractions we are usually laughing at something that has been said or done. As I go through each contraction, my doula in a soothing voice says "that's the way". My husband says that he wants to burst into song every time she says that and finish the lyrics to the song her phrase invokes in his mind with "uh-ha, uh-ha I like it." During another contraction, I lean on my friend who is sitting on the labor ball and as I'm zoned out and coming out of my contraction I hear a distinct thud. The contraction passes and I tell her that it sounded like she fell down. She did. We all have a good laugh about that one and she finds a more stable position for my next contraction.

June 29th, 6:15 PM: I want to go sit on the toilet frequently. I am in my comfortable nightgown, but still have my underwear on. As I am getting up after one contraction to go across the hall to the bathroom, my doula starts to pull on my underwear. I tell her that I still want to keep my undies on and I promise to take them off when it is time to push the baby out. She is a little embarrassed that she was trying to take my underwear off for me and attributes it to the knee jerk reaction of a helpful mother. We all find this pretty funny and decide that when I decide to take off my undies it will be a good sign that the birth is impending.

June 29th, 7:30 PM: I am naked. All modesty is lost and I really don't care about my undies anymore. My midwife notices that I am struggling more with my contractions and suggests that a bath might help to relax me. I am still using the finger drops, but I decide that one more tool at this point would certainly help.

June 29th, 8:00 PM: OK. I feel this now. My contractions are extraordinarily intense and I am having a hard time relaxing. I am in the bathtub now. I am tensing up instead of relaxing with the contractions. I don't really care about the finger drops anymore. Everyone assures me that this baby is coming out any minute. I feel nauseous and am shaking. My doula asks me what "vibration" I need. (A "vibration" is another tool from my Hypbirth program.) Do I need love? Do I need peace? Do I need stamina? "No! I need this baby out!", is my reply. I remember my mother saying that when you think you can't stand it anymore is transition. To get through that, just know that you will be pushing the baby out any minute. That is the thought that is getting me through the feeling of not wanting to go on.

June 29th, 8:30 PM: I want to get out of the bath. I continue to feel nauseous and shaky on and off. I have a slight urge to push, but nothing overwhelming. I don't push because my doula has given me the advice to wait to push until the feeling is overwhelming. My Hypbirth program contained similar advice, so I do not push. My midwife has not done a vaginal exam since she arrived, but wants to check me now. She thinks that I may have a cervical lip. She checks me. I do.

June 29th 8:45 PM: My midwife applies Evening Primrose Oil to help soften and resolve the cervical lip. She tells me the lip is why transition is lasting so long. I remember reading that sometimes a midwife or a doctor will manually try to push back a cervical lip during a contraction and that this can be quite painful. I was hoping that the oil would do the trick and that my body would give up the last bit of dilation on its own. I move back and forth between my bed and a birth stool on the floor, trying to achieve some level of comfort. Ain't happenin'. Everybody keeps telling me that the baby will be coming soon. Didn't you guys tell me that over an hour and a half ago?

June 29th, 9:05 PM: Still in transition. All of the sudden, I am throwing up. I am throwing up and apologizing for throwing up as my doula brings over a bowl for me to barf in. Man, this isn't pretty. I think its in my hair. Yuck. My water breaks with a pop and a big gush. I am overwhelmed by the most powerful physical sensation I have ever felt in my life. My body is pushing. It isn't a voluntary decision. It's not me, deciding to push, this is my body, taking over, doing the most powerful thing I have ever felt in my life.

June 29th, 9:13 pm: I am on my side, pushing. Everybody is telling me to lift my leg. I feel tense, I don't want to move. I feel the baby, pushing my leg up, but I don't want to lift it. I don't want to move. My doula tells me to lift my leg again. She tells me that nobody delivers a baby with their legs closed. Reluctantly, I let someone lift my leg up for me.

June 29th, 9:15 pm: The baby is crowning. I am burning. I start to pant. My midwife tells me that I am doing a good job. Everyone tells me to reach down and feel his head as he crowns. I am paralyzed, I don't want to move a muscle. I don't want to reach down. As I am panting, I can exude some degree of control to slow down his exit. This is happening instinctively as I think this slowing down is my body's way of avoiding a tear which I have been somewhat fearful of.

June 29th, 9:17 pm: The baby comes sliding out into my husband's hands. He says it is like catching a slippery bass. He says it is the most amazing thing he has ever seen in his life. I have never felt anything so amazing in my life. Our third son is here, in our bed. He was given life, in more ways than one, in this bed. This is right where he should be.

June 29th, 9:37 pm: My little angel is on my stomach. His cord is somewhat short and that is as far up as I can bring him. I deliver what has been his source of life, a deep red, intact placenta. The cord is allowed to stop pulsing and then my husband cuts it. I am on cloud nine. I bring my beautiful baby to my breast.

June 29th, 10:00 pm. The clean up begins. My midwife draws me an herbal bath. It's hard to walk to the bathroom as it feels like everything in my abdomen has shifted. My sense of balance is completely off. It feels so good to get into the warm bath. It feels good to clean up and wash my hair. I am in awe of what just happened. The baby is weighed and measured and then brought to me in the bathtub. 7lbs, 2 ounces and 19 inches of beautiful baby boy.

June 29th, 10:30 pm: I climb in to my warm, toasty, clean bed. I am starving! My husband cooks everyone cheesy scrambled eggs, buttered sourdough bread and fresh salted garden tomatoes. Nothing has ever tasted so good.

June 29th, 11:00 pm: My friend and my doula leave and go back to their own babies. My husband makes the phone calls and announces the new arrival. My husband prepares the spare bedroom for our midwife. She will drive to another town about an hour away in the morning and we invite her to spend the night so she doesn't have to make the long drive home just to turn around and come back to our area again in the morning. I am so thankful for her help. I believe she is angel sent by God.

June 29th, 11:30 pm: My husband, the baby and I are in bed together. I have never felt so close to my husband before. Together, we marvel at our little miracle.

June 30th, 4:00 am: My husband, my sweet little boy and I fall asleep. All is well.

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